They say that misery loves company, and that would be a very fitting motto for fans of the Philadelphia Flyers. Philadelphia has long been one of the most miserable sports cities in America, with the Flyers going on 50 years and counting without winning the Stanley Cup.
Sure, Philadelphia sports fans have had some reasons to celebrate this century. The Phillies ended their drought in 2008, and then the Eagles did the impossible by winning the Super Bowl not once (Tom Brady dropped a pass and fumbled the game away), but twice (Cooper DeJean returned an interception for a touchdown on his birthday, Jalen Hurts hit DeVonta Smith for a 46-yard dagger to go up 34-0, Taylor Swift’s boyfriend had no catches in the first half, and the Eagles pulled their starters after going up 40-6).
But if you’re not a baseball or football fan, or God forbid, are only a fan of the Flyers, then it has been a miserable experience for the past … 20(?) years. Sure, the run to the Stanley Cup Final in 2010 was fun, but outside of that, it has been disappointment after disappointment until that turned into apathy.
We could go on and on about our miserable moments as Flyers fans. In fact, we just might! But for now, I’ll get to the point of this article.
ESPN recently released what it is calling the Sports Misery Index.
“Whether there’s confetti falling from your team’s last title or you’re still waiting to see your first, you probably have an idea of how satisfied – or miserable – you are as a fan,” they write. “But could you put a number on it?”
Before going any further, I am pretty sure there is a decent amount of Flyers fans who could put a number on it, but I digress.
You simply tell the Sports Misery Index (which I’ll shorten to SMI throughout the rest of the article) what professional teams you’re a fan of across a variety of leagues, and they’ll “crunch the numbers – no fancy AI needed here – to tell you just how happy you should be.”
The SMI boasts a number of key data points, including success in the regular season and playoffs, as well as a team’s expectations going into a season.
They first ask you how you’re feeling about your teams today with five different ranges.
For this exercise, you guessed it, I’m choosing woeful.
I then selected the Flyers as my only favorite team and let the SMI work its magic.
They do ask you if you’ve been a fan for <5 years, 5-15 years, or 15+ years.
For the diehard fans who have been following the team for at least 15 years, they give the Flyers a misery rating of 86 out of 100.
If you’re on the younger side or have only been a fan since before 2020, you’re actually more miserable with a rating of 90.
Finally, for the newest fans who have, for some God forsaken reason, chosen to become a Flyers fan in the 2020s, the misery rating goes up even more to 92.
I’m not exactly sure how these ratings are calculated, and I get that the Flyers did win two cups over 15 years ago, but how are fans who have been around the longest the least miserable?
The SMI also lists the misery rating for every single team across the NHL over the last 15 years. Pause for a moment and try to guess where the Flyers might rank.
Ready for it?
Sixth!
Or technically tied for fifth, since both the Flyers and Ducks have a misery rating of 90 in that timespan.
The four teams whose fans are more miserable? Ottawa Senators (91), Detroit Red Wings (92), Columbus Blue Jackets (92), Buffalo Sabres (97).
I understand the Sabres, Blue Jackets, and Senators, but this really should’ve factored in for longer than 15 years. The Red Wings may be in the midst of a nine-year playoff drought, but they also won the Stanley Cup in 1997, 1998, 2002, and 2008.
But I can’t really argue with anything else. We’ve been pretty damn miserable as Flyers fans in the last 15-plus years.